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Failure to Include Them Could Sabotage Your Relationships and Even Your Life
Pamela Levin, R.N., T.S.T.A, 11/5/10
Pamela Levin is an
RN, aTeaching and Supervising Transactional Analyst and award-winning author. In
Private Practice 42 years, she teaches and trains therapists and lay audiences
internationally. [Your affiliate link to
YEN]
A
sk someone if they'd rather deal with all the anguish of a relationship gone sour, which can
feel like being sucker-punched in the gut, or having their heart ripped out, or being hit with
a brick bat, or keeping the relationship, a lot of people might chose to keep the
relationship.
That's how much it can hurt. There's all that pain of loss, and then there's also all that
self-doubt and recrimination: "Where did I go wrong?","What's the matter with me?", "I'll never
succeed!" and on and on.
Add to all that the fact that one relationship going bad affects so many other ones. Because
you were friends with the friends of your friend, or you were included in family get-togethers
because of your relationship with the person with whom you cannot-now-be-with, out of respect
for them, their friends and relations now start creating distance from you. It's enough to make
you want to crawl into the fetal position and suck your thumb!
The short story is, we're best off
to
prevent
this from happening in the first place as far as we are able. Yes, your social and
emotional life can work well and proceed in a positive way, especially if
you don’t make these two of the most common mistakes.
While it's definitely true that the above outcome sometimes simply cannot be avoided, still,
what can you do minimize the likelihood? The following are two key messages that summarize
this.
Number One:
Send the message to yourself (in service of your own emotional life) and to others you
relate to, that it's OK to be connected, to be emotionally close, to share your true thoughts
and feelings (in a kind and considerate way) both with yourself and for others to share theirs
with you.
Number Two:
Send the message, (again, both to yourself and to others), that it's OK to be separate,
to be an individual person, to have your own wants, needs, your own life.
Whether the relationship is internal -- with yourself in your own emotional life, or external
-- with someone else, together, these two messages consistently and sincerely given can
neutralize these two most common reasons why emotional lives and relationships go
sour.
Why these two particular messages? Because they represent how to manage the two most
important areas of relationships - togetherness and separateness. They are two examples
of key emotional nutrients.
To hear a complementary audio of how these messages can be delivered, go to http://www.youremotionalnutrients.com and click on
the free sample. [affiliate product link][your clickbank link]
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